How to Speak Up with Confidence

“…it only takes one voice, at the right pitch, to start an avalanche.” ― Dianna Hardy, Return of the Wolf

Photo by Julien Backhaus on Unsplash

With the rise of social media platforms and online communication, the in-person communication has dwindled. The real human interaction that we used to engage in is becoming less appreciated. People freak out when they receive a call. They prefer to get a message instead.

Less friction, babe. You got it!

Social media comments

Online written messages

Emails

…

Now the mainstream thinking goes: Why should I call when I can send a message? Why should we meet in person when we can use Zoom?

Fair enough! No one can see your sweating palms when you are challenged by a tough question in a live webinar ;) Less embarrassment? Makes sense.

The lack of the skill to talk confidently is at the heart of people’s choice to hide behind a written message rather than use their voice or talk in person, most of the time. It is more comfortable. We agree!

I did not craft this article to shame people who suffer from a certain communication anxiety or those who have a certain speech impediment. This article is a reminder that you are ABLE to speak up with confidence. You just need to decide to practice this ability more often.

No one is born with communication skills. Your genes might affect your communicative competence. Yet, you are still the master of your capacity and you can decide either to be a great communicator or a terrible one.

Rehearsing

Not all communication contexts require rehearsal. However, if you have important meetings or virtual conferences where you will be presenting ideas, thoughts, and opinions, rehearsal can help prepare you.

You can rehearse your speech with a sibling, a friend, or a mirror. It might sound crazy to talk to yourself and repeat the script to your reflection in the mirror, but trust me, it works. You are your first audience.

Rehearsal makes you more confident in the way you are talking because you will visualize a mental image of yourself talking confidently. Your brain will interpret it as if it were a real experience, not just a rehearsal. So, you will feel more comfortable.

No over-rehearsing

It kills your self-confidence to over-rehearse. It’s like you are telling yourself: I have no room for mistakes.

Allow yourself to forget some words, to replace them with synonyms, and to tell a joke when you feel you lost the thread of ideas.

Rehearse your speech with the belief that it’s ok not to follow the exact same structure every time, without affecting the logical connection between ideas.

Go slow and fast

Many communication coaches would encourage you to go slow when you are speaking so that you reflect self-confidence and self-control. I would say go slow when you are trying to explain something so that you make sure your audience can receive and understand your points. Listen as they speak and ask questions. Speak slowly when you are responding as well.

Go fast when you are enthusiastically engaged in a motivational speech that ignites the inner strength of your audience. They do not want you to go slow and careful all the time.

This nuance of slow and fast while talking is what makes you speak like a human, not a robot. You are not Alexa!

Stop and breathe

He**, yes! You have the right to stop talking for a few seconds to breathe.

There is no reason why you should talk continuously for a long time, just to show that you are confident and knowledgeable about what you are presenting or saying.

Hesitate

It’s alright to hesitate. You might have alway jumped to the answer, just to show that you have an answer to every question.

You can simply hesitate when you are not sure what to answer. Hesitation when speaking on a certain social or professional occasion is OK.

If you feel embarrassment for hesitating, it might simply be because you set the communication standards so high for yourself that you cannot even hesitate sometimes.

Focus on the audience, not on yourself

By focusing on yourself while talking, you might not feel self-confident. Ironically, paying a lot of attention to the way you are communicating will make others do the same. You will feel as if each member in the audience is scrutinizing you.

Do this instead

Switch your attention towards the audience to see if they are listening actively to what you are saying. Make them think of answers. You can ask a a particular person in the audience a question. If you do this twice, everyone in the audience will be alert and ready to be asked. They will pay more attention to the content of your speech rather than to your communication ability and you as a person.

Use that foreign language

Sometimes people CAN speak a foreign language very well. They just underestimate their linguistic performance and underrate their communication skills in that language.

I studied the Italian language for 5 years in my home country, and for over 1 year in Italy. I excelled academically. I got a B2 certificate in Italian. my teachers and friends told me I was C2 level at the time.

The reason why I chose to go for a B2 level certificate was because I underestimated my linguistic skills in Italian language at the time. You should not do the same. Use the foreign language you are learning. There is not a time in which you will feel perfect and ready to start using it.

Pardon?

When you are struggling to articulate yourself in a meeting, and someone says: “Pardon?” or “I didn’t get you, could you repeat?

Breathe slowly, take your time, and repeat exactly what you said before. DO NOT mitigate and soften what you said before; that is, your first message.

Most of the “pardon?” exclamations are thrown (sometimes by bullies) to shake (or test) your confidence in what you are saying. Some people like to play with your inner child when they notice a glimpse of shyness in you, while you are trying hard to speak up.

If someone asks you to repeat something you said that they claim to not have heard. Repeat it. Repeat it as it is, with the same tone, pitch, and strength.

Many people, when asked to repeat what they said, jump to the explanation of and justification for what they said. And this confirms their lack of confidence in what they said. The person who asked you to repeat what you said might have simple not heard you properly. So stick to your words, as repeat is not explain.

I can help you rehearse your speech for your upcoming event, subscribe to my mailing list, or let’s connect on LinkedIn

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